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Sic Transit Gloria...
Feb. 16th, 2001 09:43 amRemember where you stand.
--David Brin.
Last night while waiting for Bri to pick up his cellphone (which he left at my place) I dozed off, and dreamt a disturbing dream. It was Halloween, a favorite holiday of mine, but it seemed filled with grief and pain and loss.
My boyfriend Peter (Who I broke up with amiably 3 years ago in real life) hadn't come to go trick-or-treating with me, so I walked to find somewhere to go dancing, in my Gothy clothes and my peacock hat. (Which also exist.) I ran into Michael. (My ex boyfriend from 6 years ago who parted from me most un-amiably) He was still with his new girlfriend, but was wearing an odd wig with red dreads in the front. (What a silly wig!" I thought, then realized I wore it too, and ripped it off my head, and kept walking. For some reason Michael arwwews me away from going north, but pointed me down this very rough street, with lots of lights and rough looking people. Eventually, after stopping at a Gothy-Gril stroe to get away from the crush of people and buy some glittery stuff, I was on a couch sitting with Peter talking about Brian. It was sad stuff--I think we had broken up in the dream. Peter said he wanted to offer me a lift, but wasn't sure what our relation was anymore. I nooded, understanding the confusion, and said, "That's because you're in Japan right now." (He is.) And let myself out and kept walking. I never did get to go dancing...
Anyway, I think my dream was telling me rather emphatically that you can't ignore your past when you're looking at your present. I often feel like when I left Michael and Montana, I had to chop off an entire chunk of my life away to start over.
(It hurt like I had, too.) I had to do it at the time, I think, but I belive my subconcious is trying to tell me I don't have to do that anymore, that it's safe to have that part of my life back again if I want it. You can't be a real human without love, and there's no love without the concept of betrayal. It's okay to have that part of my life hurt. It's okay to be sad and angry about that relationship, it won't destroy me or what I've made of my life.
Dreams are where you look at yourself in a funhouse mirror and see the things you hide from the non-mirrored world.
MS Fledermaus, thinking really deep thoughts..What's so amazing abut really deep thoughts? (Tori amos, forgive me, willya?)
--David Brin.
Last night while waiting for Bri to pick up his cellphone (which he left at my place) I dozed off, and dreamt a disturbing dream. It was Halloween, a favorite holiday of mine, but it seemed filled with grief and pain and loss.
My boyfriend Peter (Who I broke up with amiably 3 years ago in real life) hadn't come to go trick-or-treating with me, so I walked to find somewhere to go dancing, in my Gothy clothes and my peacock hat. (Which also exist.) I ran into Michael. (My ex boyfriend from 6 years ago who parted from me most un-amiably) He was still with his new girlfriend, but was wearing an odd wig with red dreads in the front. (What a silly wig!" I thought, then realized I wore it too, and ripped it off my head, and kept walking. For some reason Michael arwwews me away from going north, but pointed me down this very rough street, with lots of lights and rough looking people. Eventually, after stopping at a Gothy-Gril stroe to get away from the crush of people and buy some glittery stuff, I was on a couch sitting with Peter talking about Brian. It was sad stuff--I think we had broken up in the dream. Peter said he wanted to offer me a lift, but wasn't sure what our relation was anymore. I nooded, understanding the confusion, and said, "That's because you're in Japan right now." (He is.) And let myself out and kept walking. I never did get to go dancing...
Anyway, I think my dream was telling me rather emphatically that you can't ignore your past when you're looking at your present. I often feel like when I left Michael and Montana, I had to chop off an entire chunk of my life away to start over.
(It hurt like I had, too.) I had to do it at the time, I think, but I belive my subconcious is trying to tell me I don't have to do that anymore, that it's safe to have that part of my life back again if I want it. You can't be a real human without love, and there's no love without the concept of betrayal. It's okay to have that part of my life hurt. It's okay to be sad and angry about that relationship, it won't destroy me or what I've made of my life.
Dreams are where you look at yourself in a funhouse mirror and see the things you hide from the non-mirrored world.
MS Fledermaus, thinking really deep thoughts..What's so amazing abut really deep thoughts? (Tori amos, forgive me, willya?)
