Nightmares...
Feb. 27th, 2003 07:36 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
msfledermaus...I got jolted by a really bad one this morning; the kind that makes you bolt awake like a swimmer thrashing out of water they thought was safe until they saw that fin in the water.
Sometimes I have really horrible dreams about the worst breakup I ever had.
The pain and guilt and rage and just heartbreaking agony. It's usually along the lines of smashing through tables and chairs begging this person to not shut me out but to goddamn TALK to me, or the other people involved laughing at my obvious pain, (something I'm afraid really did happen) or just screaming and screaming and screaming until my voice was gone.(that happened too.)
At one point I was screaming in my sleep. No sound, no vocal chords engaged, just the mouth gaping open pushing air out as hard as I could. If I could have made noise I'm sure I would have screamed the building to pieces.
When I finally dragged myself awake, I just lay there for ten minutes, panting and telling myself where I was, who I was, over and over. Then I wandered around touching things in my apartment. Reorienting myself. Wondering why I was having this particular nightmare now. (Lots of reasons, mostly anniversaries or banalities...and lots and lots of caffeine, I admit.)
It'll alllll be okay once I drink this orange juice and check my e-mail.
*breathes really deeply, over and over and over*
Sometimes I have really horrible dreams about the worst breakup I ever had.
The pain and guilt and rage and just heartbreaking agony. It's usually along the lines of smashing through tables and chairs begging this person to not shut me out but to goddamn TALK to me, or the other people involved laughing at my obvious pain, (something I'm afraid really did happen) or just screaming and screaming and screaming until my voice was gone.(that happened too.)
At one point I was screaming in my sleep. No sound, no vocal chords engaged, just the mouth gaping open pushing air out as hard as I could. If I could have made noise I'm sure I would have screamed the building to pieces.
When I finally dragged myself awake, I just lay there for ten minutes, panting and telling myself where I was, who I was, over and over. Then I wandered around touching things in my apartment. Reorienting myself. Wondering why I was having this particular nightmare now. (Lots of reasons, mostly anniversaries or banalities...and lots and lots of caffeine, I admit.)
It'll alllll be okay once I drink this orange juice and check my e-mail.
*breathes really deeply, over and over and over*
