Happy Memorial day....
May. 26th, 2003 11:04 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
msfledermausI've been spending the weekend sketching and knitting and napping and nibbling, in good company and alone. I should go for a walk or something, it's reeeal pretty outside.
I've also been mopey lately, fretting about things I can't do much about. I know some of it's hormonal because I feel better almost immediately when I chug a glass of milk or after the steak I had for dinner last night. Some of it's just the usual 30something deal..."Am I doing ok? Am I a grown up even though I don't have the toys a lot of other 30something people do? Why don't I want the same things everyone else seems to? Will anyone love me ever again? Am I too weird and funny-looking to be loved? When will I stop feeling like Morrisey and stop whining?" Etcetra, etcetra, and of course etcetra. It's not a constant thing, and often I get very pointed reminders in life about how it *could* have gone...and I'm very relieved. Just because my life doesn't line up the way other people's do doesn't mean that it's a bad thing...in fact, it could be better than I'll ever realize.
Some of the moping's about family stuff; my grandparents and brother are being very passive-agressively strange lately. I'm just tired of it. I'm tired of being second-guessed by people who won't even ask me anything; and having them punish me for their assumptions.
Again...it's not something I can do much about except just stay out of whatever's going on.
And of course now we have a whole lot more dead soldiers to mourn for this Memorial day. No matter what eveyone thinks of this war, this makes me very very sad.
Okay, I'm almost finished with the gloomcookie I've been feeding you all, then I'll get out the milk and check out a knitting site or something and be a happier Maus. Mmm, milk!
I've also been mopey lately, fretting about things I can't do much about. I know some of it's hormonal because I feel better almost immediately when I chug a glass of milk or after the steak I had for dinner last night. Some of it's just the usual 30something deal..."Am I doing ok? Am I a grown up even though I don't have the toys a lot of other 30something people do? Why don't I want the same things everyone else seems to? Will anyone love me ever again? Am I too weird and funny-looking to be loved? When will I stop feeling like Morrisey and stop whining?" Etcetra, etcetra, and of course etcetra. It's not a constant thing, and often I get very pointed reminders in life about how it *could* have gone...and I'm very relieved. Just because my life doesn't line up the way other people's do doesn't mean that it's a bad thing...in fact, it could be better than I'll ever realize.
Some of the moping's about family stuff; my grandparents and brother are being very passive-agressively strange lately. I'm just tired of it. I'm tired of being second-guessed by people who won't even ask me anything; and having them punish me for their assumptions.
Again...it's not something I can do much about except just stay out of whatever's going on.
And of course now we have a whole lot more dead soldiers to mourn for this Memorial day. No matter what eveyone thinks of this war, this makes me very very sad.
Okay, I'm almost finished with the gloomcookie I've been feeding you all, then I'll get out the milk and check out a knitting site or something and be a happier Maus. Mmm, milk!
