An amusing thing for us...

[msfledermaus]

I got a junk-fax today about a seminar offering to lower stress. The part that always amuses me is the part where they list the things that they will be teaching. I always come up with some alternative methods to forking over a couple of hundred bucks to sit in a small auditorium in St Cloud....


LEARN SIMPLE AND POWERFUL WAYS TO...

*Stop wasting precious energy worrying about minor crises, irritations, hassles, and problems.
"What, like this fax?"

*Discover new ways to deal with over-demanding bosses, negative work coleauges, dissatisfied clients, and other prickly personalities.
"My preferred method is to duct-tape all these people to walls and leave them there. It's a most satisfying low-stress-strategy!"

*Spend more of your time being creative and productive-and less being bothered, annoyed, or frustrated.
"That sounds just like going home to me...I'm liking this seminar already!!"

*Cope more easily with impossible deadlines, heavy workloads, and the daily dielemmas that cause stress and burnout.
"By ignoring them and taking a 4-hour lunch break at Fuji-Ya with the company card.

*Ensure that your days are more peaceful, rewarding, and enjoyable--at home and on the job.
"By spending hours putting stuff on Livejournal instead of sorting files, washing dishes, or eating...."


Ms Eff...aren't you glad she never went into marketing:)

Comments

[elysiangirl.livejournal.com]

*fills out app for ms. eff's seminar*

Happily I charge $0.00

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

Yes, with my fabulous seminar, you will lose lose lose! Your ability to wanna do anything but sleep, eat sushi and screw around on the computer!! Guaranteed or your nonexistent money back!!
You will learn...

How to teach your friends to pour wine in a stiletto heel, roll themselves in carpet and throw themselves down a flight of stairs! (I love that post!)

How to win friends and influence by wooing them with LJ stuff!! *Waves to Unciephill*

How to slack off under the cover of "Working" Gee, I'm "Working" so very very hard right now...

How to get your health insurance to cover the carpal tunnel you got from hours and hours of LJ fun...

How to speed-dial Pizza-Hut with your tongue 'cos you're glued to the screen...

MS Eff, in her sober conservative Goth power-suit with the skullhead pin on the lapel...:)

Re: Happily I charge $0.00

[andrianna.livejournal.com]

Ummm.... damn... and I was thinking that I could learn something I didn't already know how to do by signing up for your seminar... *sighs*

Re: Happily I charge $0.00

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

Well, I have the master's class...

How to reach Nirvana through meditating on your screen saver...

How to develop secret skills of pyrokinesis...
(It helps if you like to wear socks and shuffle on carpet, or are just THAT PISSED OFF,DAMMIT!!!!

How to reduce your boss to a quivering ball of jelly...and still draw a paycheck.
(For this, put aside 2 hours for your training film: "Fight Club")

How to make and distribute a 'zine on company time...including stickers...(Thanks, Avery Labels!)


MS Eff, still compiling the Master Classes...would you care to teach a class or two? I can always use good help...:)

Re: Happily I charge $0.00

[andrianna.livejournal.com]

Yeah.. I think I might just have to jump to helping you teach..

** Learning how to ignore your spouse completely and successfully via your computer -- EVEN IF they log on!!

** Getting your friends to pay you to talk to them online while they're at work.

** How to successfully hack into your own email accounts to check your email when you've forgetten which accounts have what passwords.

~Andrianna, starting to make out her lesson plans

Re: Happily I charge $0.00

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

Oooooh....I think I may have to sit in on this class....

Ms Eff, offering twice the seminar rate...
*giggle*

Re: Happily I charge $0.00

[andrianna.livejournal.com]

You're more than welcome to sit in on them sweetie...

I'm sure I'll think of a few more things for the classes soon.