Goofing on my break...
Jul. 24th, 2005 02:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
msfledermaus...I was walking around and around, humming Monty Python songs in my head when I got this splendid idea for an ongoing posting series. I present you with:
MS MAUSI'S UNOFFICIAL OFF-THE-RECORD LIST OF THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT DO IN PUBLIC SPACES,
(Especially those that contain Things That Do Not Belong To You.)
Part 1 of an ongoing series...
1: Do Not Touch Anything unless you are explicitly informed you may do so. This is a good rule for just about anywhere, now that I think about it.
2: When someone in a uniform comes up to you and asks you to stop touching something, please stop touching that whatever, and they will leave you alone.
3: This does not mean, "Wait and then touch it again"
4: It also doesn't mean keep leaning on it and say, "I'm not touching anything."
5: If you give that uniformed person a blank look, it just means they're going to watch you very closely and tell all their buddies in case you do it some more.
6: If the uniformed person is telling you not to do something, chances are there's a very good reason. Don't glare at them or mutter inaudibly when asked to do or not do something; the uniformed person will just assume you're a jerk and watch you very carefully.
7: Don't shout, scream or threaten bodily harm. This just solidifies the fact of your jerkism for everyone in hearing range. Adult tantrums are not pretty things for anybody.
8: Speaking of tantrums, if your kid is overstimuated and is losing their mind at the top of their lungs in a public place, take the kid somewhere quiet. Many public spaces have quiet rooms. Otherwise people will think you or your progeny are axe-murderers.
9: Do not wave sticky, pointy, wet, long, sharp things in public spaces. I really shouldn't have to go into Why this is Bad.
10: Do not scratch sensitive areas in public spaces...there is usually several cameras watching you trying to discreetly pick your underwear out of your butt. Please, in the name of humanity...
11: Do not play tag, hide-and-seek, or any other duck-and weave kind of games. In these nervous times, people will get the idea you're Up to Stuff, and tell you to knock it off.
12: Ladies, do not knock your purse into things or swing it around. Yes, even if it's Prada.
13: Do not pick on small people in uniforms. They usually have very large coworkers who are not above dangling you by an ankle over a balcony if that's what it takes for you to behave.
14: Please wear shoes that don't hurt you. It hurts us to watch you try to walk in tiny tight-strapped platforms, often for a couple of hours. And no, you can't go barefoot, or I would too. So there...
I'm sure I'll have plenty more really soon...some of them are going to be much funnier, too...
MS MAUSI'S UNOFFICIAL OFF-THE-RECORD LIST OF THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT DO IN PUBLIC SPACES,
(Especially those that contain Things That Do Not Belong To You.)
Part 1 of an ongoing series...
1: Do Not Touch Anything unless you are explicitly informed you may do so. This is a good rule for just about anywhere, now that I think about it.
2: When someone in a uniform comes up to you and asks you to stop touching something, please stop touching that whatever, and they will leave you alone.
3: This does not mean, "Wait and then touch it again"
4: It also doesn't mean keep leaning on it and say, "I'm not touching anything."
5: If you give that uniformed person a blank look, it just means they're going to watch you very closely and tell all their buddies in case you do it some more.
6: If the uniformed person is telling you not to do something, chances are there's a very good reason. Don't glare at them or mutter inaudibly when asked to do or not do something; the uniformed person will just assume you're a jerk and watch you very carefully.
7: Don't shout, scream or threaten bodily harm. This just solidifies the fact of your jerkism for everyone in hearing range. Adult tantrums are not pretty things for anybody.
8: Speaking of tantrums, if your kid is overstimuated and is losing their mind at the top of their lungs in a public place, take the kid somewhere quiet. Many public spaces have quiet rooms. Otherwise people will think you or your progeny are axe-murderers.
9: Do not wave sticky, pointy, wet, long, sharp things in public spaces. I really shouldn't have to go into Why this is Bad.
10: Do not scratch sensitive areas in public spaces...there is usually several cameras watching you trying to discreetly pick your underwear out of your butt. Please, in the name of humanity...
11: Do not play tag, hide-and-seek, or any other duck-and weave kind of games. In these nervous times, people will get the idea you're Up to Stuff, and tell you to knock it off.
12: Ladies, do not knock your purse into things or swing it around. Yes, even if it's Prada.
13: Do not pick on small people in uniforms. They usually have very large coworkers who are not above dangling you by an ankle over a balcony if that's what it takes for you to behave.
14: Please wear shoes that don't hurt you. It hurts us to watch you try to walk in tiny tight-strapped platforms, often for a couple of hours. And no, you can't go barefoot, or I would too. So there...
I'm sure I'll have plenty more really soon...some of them are going to be much funnier, too...
