Ms Mausi

Once upon a time, in the land of Spleen, there lived a beautiful Princess. She was terribly lonely....full of angst as she waited for that day when her special Prince would show up on his horse and whisk her away from her weary existence.

One day, she heard the sound of coconuts clopping together. Looking out her tower window, she saw the infamous Prince Froggy riding up on his noble steed, Hissy-Fit. "Oh fair Princess, please allow me to smite that angst of yours. Marry me!"

"But you're wearing rubber pants!" she argued. "Its not something I listed on my singles ad." She waved a copy of the Spleen Times with her ad circled.

"Princess Pancreas, you must be realistic. No man can match your criteria exactly. I'm not radioactive, doesnt that count for something?" he whined.

The princess leaned on the window sill, biting a clump of her golden tresses, as she thought deeply. "Tell you what," she stated after several moments of vacant staring, "Bring me a Coffee Bath Bomb, and Ill reconsider." Prince Froggy leaped back onto Hissy-Fit and rode away with a mission. He visited Spleens famous Bed & Bath spa and purchased every Coffee Bath Bomb they had to offer, which totally maxed out his royal credit card.

Upon returning, he proudly showed the Princess Pancreas his Bomb load. She squealed with delight, and whipped off her royal robes. "Meet me in the royal tub, Prince Froggy! You aren't such a discombobulated lug-nut after all!!"

Eagerly, he joined her there and they lived happily ever after.

From:

glitterypixie.livejournal.com

Bravo!!! *Standing ovation*

From:

*blush*
Why thank you...you wrote a good one yourself!

From:

*Thunderous applause amid giggling*

From:

dreaming-soul.livejournal.com

The morning after the surgery to remove my spleen, the sun peeked in my luxury window. Fluid, which seemed radioactive, was trickling down through the IV and into my angst-ridden arm. No longer discombobulated from the anesthesia, my fingertips began exploring the small wound on my stomach. That's when I discovered the date on the calendar was three weeks later than I thought. All the days were nicely crossed off with a blue marker past the days and weeks I was supposed to be back at work. I sat up. I was dressed in orange rubberpants, which I only assumed was to prevent the bed from getting wet. I felt weak and confused. The doctor, with a name tag that read James "Froggy" Johnson, ran into the room, but before I could question the date and his nickname a needle pierced my thigh and a sleepiness settled back over my mind. I had vivid dreams of a group of little people calling me Princess CoffeeBathBomb and running soothing hot water in a tub made of diamonds. I suddenly awoke again, but this time immediately threw a hissy-fit when another three week were marked off on the calendar beside the bed. I was overcome with anger and wished God would smite this Froggy guy right on top of his balding head. Just then, a nurse came in carrying a lug-nut. She showed me the curious piece of metal. She explained how instead of removing my spleen, the removed this lug-nut from my stomach. They pondered alien abduction or some other form of torture while I lay in an induced coma. Not sure what to say, I smiled thankfully, leaned back against my pillow, attempted to forget about everything, and tossed the lug-nut into trashcan.

From:

dreaming-soul.livejournal.com

i shudder at the previous grammar errors

From:

Incredible..You are a genius!!!! A Genius, I say!!!

Ms Eff, laughing and kicking her feet.

From:

glitterypixie.livejournal.com

I suppose it was not the brightest of idears....but then again I never claimed to be very bright....anywho putting rubberpants on my already radioactive froggy just to alleviate my teenaged angst was quite lugnut-ish of lil ole me so anyway after I plunged the dear thing in a bath full of coffeebathbomb she got all discombobulated and threw such a horrendous hissy fit that her poor lil spleen ruptured so by then I figured the only humane thing to do was to smite the lil darling and put her out of here misery...that'll teach her to drink all my pepsi and eat all my pizza puffs and act like a snotty lil spoiled princess!

From:

*giggles at the thought of the rubberpants radioactive froggy.*

That was fabulous...Ahhhhhh...*sighs with happiness*

From:

ms-demeanor.livejournal.com

To whom it may concern:

I recently purchased your product, CoffeeBathBomb, as it was on sale and I also had a coupon. On that note, let me just say that it is horribly overpriced. I'd been anxious to try it as the ads in my Pampered Princess magazine were very appealing (kudos to your ad department) and seemed luxurious indeed.

I'm a secretary at Spacely Sprockets. (The owner is a big Jetsons fan and a bit cuckoo, but anyway) We manufacture mostly screws, nails, lugnuts, and industrial strengh rubberpants. It doesn't sound like the most industrious job, but let me tell you, I go home every day so stressed and full of angst, that I need a good long soak in the tub before dinner, otherwise it's nothing but tantrums and hissyfits until bedtime, and honestly, it ruins my sex life and makes me a bit of nag. My husband, Fred, I like to call him Froggy, doesn't care for it a bit.

I've tried many a bath salt, liquid, you name it. Nothing was quite as nice as Mr. Bubble though. Nevertheless, with the sale and the coupon, and the excellent work of your ad department, I gave your product a shot.

Now, it was just a luxurious as the ad said it would be. I was reading to box while soaking, and what left me more than a little discombobulated was the small print warning about it being radioactive.. This was very disturbing - to say the least.

I immediately made an appointment with my doctor, but he said that a radioactive bath would be just what my cancer-ridden spleen needed!! The growth has reduced 20% and is now small enough to be remove without endangering any other organs.

So, I've come up with a great new ad for next month's Pampered Princess:

Try the New Luxurious CoffeeBathBomb!!!
Not only will it wash away your stress and dirt, It's Radioactive Properties will SMITE your CANCER like the Good Lord Himself!!

Although I would indicate somewhere, perhaps in small type again, that people w/o cancer shouldn't really be using your product.

Thanks for listening, I know I'm a bit of a babbler..

Myrtle Fleishman
Pensacola, FL

From:

dreaming-soul.livejournal.com

i literally laughed out loud!

wonderful!

From:

*Falls off her chair laughing*

Welcome to SlackAmia, Ms Demeanor, and may I say wow, what an entrance!!!!

Lady Duchess contessa Princessa Baronessa Von Fledermaus(Ms), She what smites,yet does not the Rubberpants wear...*grin*

From:

LMAO Fantastic!

From:

ms-demeanor.livejournal.com

thanks all. i do my best. :)

thanks to dreaming_soul for giving me a way entertain myself before leaving for work.

From:

dangerpest.livejournal.com

you could hear her spleen sigh in relief as she peeled off her rubberpants, they were bloody and covered with a nights worth of smite. she had angst stuck to the bottom of her boots, as well as various other hitchhikers picked up from the dirty floor of club dirtybathbomb. she wondered about princess, her eternally discombobulated partner in crime....she didnt show at the club tonite... it wasnt the same without her neon green nail polish, which glowed radioactive under the blacklights...she was probably with froggy, her latest victim... he was about as well rounded as a lug-nut, but he had a certain charm... normally she would call her but she decided against the usual hissy fit and instead went to bed.

From:

*Grin* Got to get me summathat radioactive nail polish, I do...

Pleasedtameetcha, Dangerpest!

From:

dangerpest.livejournal.com

same here, msF

From:

I'm so happy I even let the alternative bathbomb scenario in...

(dirty bath bomb..ooh, I like that!)

(deleted comment)

From:

I love it when the froggy throws a hissy fit...lug nuts and all...
*grin*

From:

Sorry about the deleted post. I had to correct an error. Since it was so short, I wanted to make sure it sounded right. I still missed a comma that should've been removed. Oh well.

Now that I know you comment via e-mail, I'll try to be more careful about deleting them.

From:

Well, I comment both ways, LJ and e-mail..I just get the e-mail ones a little faster...

From:

My spleen has dropped into my rubberpants, but still I must smite the angst ridden CoffeeBathBomb sniffing Princess, no matter how discombobulated, the radioactive Froggy makes me with his lug-nut throwing Hissy-fit.

From:

Ever since I woke up yesterday, Ive had this spleen problem. Ive had to wear rubber pants since then. I was supposed to meet the princess this afternoon, but I had to beg off. I mean, she's not the queen, but still. Rubber pants? I think not.

Did I ever tell you about her boyfriend? Kind of a froggy guy. Long legged guy, and hes always hunched over. Makes you think of the fairy-tale thing. I wonder what pond she found him in. (It used to be magic, now its probably some radioactive thing.) And hes always sitting there, full of angst, like hes just waiting for someone to set him off, and give him an excuse to throw a hissy-fit and start smiting people - he thinks hes a real prince, or something.

Anyway, I was on the way back from the store with a CoffeBathBomb as a gift for the princess when my car broke down. It actually lost a wheel. Remember that flat tire I had yesterday? Well I was in such a hurry to replace it and get the heck out of there because of the rubber pants - totally discombobulated - that I didnt tighten the lug nuts very well. All five of them came off, just like that. The wheel went this way and the car went that way. By the time I got home, I need the bath bomb myself. Thats why it smell like that in here.

From:

*snicker*

You're so damn cool, Kev...

From:

The Froggy got all discombobulated. I had to smite her with cold water, to bring her around. The Princess threw a hissy-fit. She said there will be no smiting without my express permission! I said, relax! Here, have a CoffeeBathBomb. She looked at it like it was radioactive. I said, Do I have to spleen it to you? Put on some rubberpants, fill them with water, and drop it in. Oh! Angst you very much! she said, finally, and strode from the room with it in hand. Jeez. Bright as a lug-nut, sometimes.

From:

How many stories did you PUT in here?!?!?!

Not that I'm complaining, I'm laughing my butt off.

Ms Eff, covering her mouth with both hands so no one hears her.

From:

"Spleen it to you"
"Angst you very much"
LMAO...oh honey, you've been hanging around me too long!!

From:

I'm a show-off, I know.

From: