Hey...

[msfledermaus]

I'd been thinking about things like friendships and sometimes the ways we hurt people, sometimes intentionally, sometimes not.

Tell me something bad you did. It doesn't have to be the worst thing.

I can start it off. I deliberately lost touch with a friend who needed my help. The same friend. Not once, but twice. Both when she was pregnant. It's a long story, but the gist of it is that I felt like she'd never stop needing me for something, and I felt very used. I had my reasons, but I could have handled it better.

So there you are.

Ms Eff. And no, I don't have the ruler, I'm not whacking knuckes today...Maybe later.

Comments

[ex-ilona40.livejournal.com]

I deliberatley lost touch with a friend whom I've known since I was 16. He's seeping back into my life again, but he takes so much energy. I'm going to try to hold him at a distance still, so as to protect myself, but we run in the same professional circles and could really help eachother out.

Re:

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's why I lost touch with my friend, too.
(((((Ilona)))))
It's so hard to get the distance we need sometimes. Why does it have to be so hard?
I feel like it's a glitch in our social programming somehow. (And I'm as guilty of that as anyone else, so I can't exactly throw rocks here.)

[fleur.livejournal.com]

I have been through that with a friend not too terribly long ago ... we have since sortof patched things up and now we do talk or get together once in a while, but for a long time I really wanted nothing to do with her.

Right now I am going through it again with another friend ... she is very sweet and a great person in a lot of ways and I really like her, but she is soooooo much work!! You just have to be totally geared up to even talk to her on the phone and she frankly wears me out. So a lot of the time I screen my calls and don't call her back. I feel bad about it but at the same time, telling her the truth would really hurt her feelings and I'm not sure that is any better.

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

Wow, looks like there's a lot of us...:)

Yeah, I can totally relate to the wearing down. T always took up any energy in the room and never gave any back. It's hard, 'cos you care, but it's so tiring.

Hi, lady...((((Fleur)))

[fleur.livejournal.com]

{{{smoosh to the maaaus!!}}}

I know exactly what you mean; K is a great person but a lot of the time she does not give anything back at ALL. In fact, she has had other people tell her that and instead of taking it to heart she just gets really mad at them. So for sure talking to her is out I think! Another mutual friend of ours and I got together after K and I had dinner Sunday night and she begged me to pleeeeease not bring her along, she just couldn't deal with K right now! Argh!

Re:

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

...Maybe K needs a break from people. Maybe it's good to not be available. If she can't listen to people, she might be able to listen to silence. (probably not, though,but who knows?) Jeez, that sounds harsh of me.:(

Forgive me Father, for I have Cynned....

[cynnerth.livejournal.com]

Is this how the Catholics do it? *stepping in the booth, sliding open the little talky door thingy*

When I was 18, I was dating a guy and then started dating his best friend...and then went back to the first guy. I ruined their friendship and hurt them both.

Re: Forgive me Father, for I have Cynned....

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't know. Ummm, hang on...
*throws on silly white collar and black robey stuff, makes voice deep*

Uhhh, you are not a bad person, I think everyone's made that particular boo-boo. I know I have..and the best friend was the better kisser of the two. *ahem! sorry!* I hereby uhhh..*rustle of pages* order you to sing "bad to the Bone" in the corner 3 times to cleanse your sins!!! HEEEEAL!!!!
*Ms Eff's hand goes through the screen and whacks Cyn gently in the forehead.*

Owwie!!! Splinter!!!

Ms Eff, looking not-very-priestly at the moment...(I apologize to all devout Catholics--please don't kick my ass!!!)

Re: Forgive me Father, for I have Cynned....

[cynnerth.livejournal.com]

Thank you Sister Mary Eff of Our Lady of Gothyness

I'm bad to the bone!
Buh-buh-buh buh bad!

Re: Forgive me Father, for I have Cynned....

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

Rock on, Cynner!!!

[redthread.livejournal.com]

It's very complicated . . . but . . . it was with someone I've been friends with since I was 9 years old -- we both said things that we probably regret (I know I did), but the worst thing is that I, in effect, "started" the whole fight. I tried to make it up with her, but it didn't work. We didn't talk for nearly 2 years after that, and I doubt we'll ever be back the same way.

Re:

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

That's so awkward and painful...(I kind of have the same thing with my mother.:(

[banana.livejournal.com]

Something bad I did? I'm too lovely to do any such thing! No wait there was one time. I hurt someone. I felt ashamed that I'd done it. I - er - don't feel able to say too much about it, but I was bad once. Lots of little bads that were made up, but only one reasonable sized bad.

Re:

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it's easy to have a lot of little bads. It's the slightly bigger bads that are the hard ones to get over.

At least it's good we *know* we were wrong and did something that wasn't acceptable. I keep thinking about Ana's mugger..there's someone who's not hanging his/her head in shame. That disconnect bothers me so deeply..how does it start? Where can it be headed off? Can it be headed off at all, or is it just a lost cause from the beginning? (I know it can be mitigated or taught if someone's willing to absorb the lesson...)

Keeps me up nights...*rueful smile*

Ms Eff.

[banana.livejournal.com]

Here's a true story. I never met any of the people involved, but it saddens me none the less.

A friend of a friend was killed by a lorry with bad brakes. They prosecuted the driver, but not on a serious charge. The police apologised to his wife for not pressing a more serious charge, saying they wanted to make sure he was convited. She said she didn't mind, because the driver would always have the death on his conscience. The police said he wasn't that sort of person - he didn't give a damn.

Re:

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

That's the worst. the people who just don't let it sink in.


Both my mom and my brother can be like that. It scares the hell out of me.

[dreaming-soul.livejournal.com]

I told my step-mother, who has been in my life since I was four, that she will never be my mother in a huge screaming match when I was a rebellious adolescent. I knew where to stick that knife and twist it. *sigh* I think I deserved the slap I got.

Re:

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

Ow. That is pretty bad. ((((((((Soulie)))))))

[low-delta.livejournal.com]

A long time ago, I took my best friend's girlfriend. She was interested in me, and I had never had a girl interested in me.

It was the only bad thing that ever happened to me, that I can say was not worth the lesson I learned, because I should have known already.

Re:

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

It's hard to fight that though, when somebody likes you...(Ohhhhhh, do I know that one. sometimes it sucks to do the right thing...*grin*) Not that it's an excuse or anything...

MS Eff. G'morning, Freekee!

[banana.livejournal.com]

Something similar happened to me a long time ago. She was semi-dating my friend, but interested in me. I think she'd have liked both of us (stop sniggering at the back), but I kept my distance. Eventually she dropped him for me. My friend and I stayed friends. Before long she dropped me too. Last I heard she was aged about 21, living with a teacher in his late 30s and his 8 year old son.