Nightmares...
Feb. 27th, 2003 07:36 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
msfledermaus...I got jolted by a really bad one this morning; the kind that makes you bolt awake like a swimmer thrashing out of water they thought was safe until they saw that fin in the water.
Sometimes I have really horrible dreams about the worst breakup I ever had.
The pain and guilt and rage and just heartbreaking agony. It's usually along the lines of smashing through tables and chairs begging this person to not shut me out but to goddamn TALK to me, or the other people involved laughing at my obvious pain, (something I'm afraid really did happen) or just screaming and screaming and screaming until my voice was gone.(that happened too.)
At one point I was screaming in my sleep. No sound, no vocal chords engaged, just the mouth gaping open pushing air out as hard as I could. If I could have made noise I'm sure I would have screamed the building to pieces.
When I finally dragged myself awake, I just lay there for ten minutes, panting and telling myself where I was, who I was, over and over. Then I wandered around touching things in my apartment. Reorienting myself. Wondering why I was having this particular nightmare now. (Lots of reasons, mostly anniversaries or banalities...and lots and lots of caffeine, I admit.)
It'll alllll be okay once I drink this orange juice and check my e-mail.
*breathes really deeply, over and over and over*
Sometimes I have really horrible dreams about the worst breakup I ever had.
The pain and guilt and rage and just heartbreaking agony. It's usually along the lines of smashing through tables and chairs begging this person to not shut me out but to goddamn TALK to me, or the other people involved laughing at my obvious pain, (something I'm afraid really did happen) or just screaming and screaming and screaming until my voice was gone.(that happened too.)
At one point I was screaming in my sleep. No sound, no vocal chords engaged, just the mouth gaping open pushing air out as hard as I could. If I could have made noise I'm sure I would have screamed the building to pieces.
When I finally dragged myself awake, I just lay there for ten minutes, panting and telling myself where I was, who I was, over and over. Then I wandered around touching things in my apartment. Reorienting myself. Wondering why I was having this particular nightmare now. (Lots of reasons, mostly anniversaries or banalities...and lots and lots of caffeine, I admit.)
It'll alllll be okay once I drink this orange juice and check my e-mail.
*breathes really deeply, over and over and over*
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no subject
Date: 2003-02-27 05:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-02-27 06:06 am (UTC)*clears head a little more*
no subject
Date: 2003-02-27 06:09 am (UTC)other people involved laughing at my obvious pain (something I'm afraid really did happen)
on that, i feel you.
i love you love you love you love you love you times infinity.
*Hugs you*
Date: 2003-02-27 06:19 am (UTC)I love you too, Ms Heather...you're the best Heather I ever did see...
*squeeze*
no subject
Date: 2003-02-27 06:23 am (UTC)The only time I had the silent screamy dream was a scary monsters dream ... and I have never really quite gotten "over" it as far as scariest thing ever!!!!
no subject
Date: 2003-02-27 06:32 am (UTC)those are the worst, when you're trying to scream and you know your vocal chords aren't working. Like no one can HEAR you...*shudder*
Re:
Date: 2003-02-28 05:45 am (UTC)Last night went with no trouble, even though I had deli sushi with extra wasabi. I'm much happier:)
Re:
Date: 2003-02-28 02:48 pm (UTC)Wasssuuuuuuuuuuuup?!!!