Sun, tea, toast...mmmmm....

[msfledermaus]

I still haven't been summoned by the courthouse...they skipped *over* my number to the 200's yesterday, and the rest of us are still on call.

I wouldn't mind so much except for the Inferno this apparently stopped being a lark for them. Mr Sta-Puft called me yesterday with a question about the postage meter, and immediately asked, "Are you coming back tomorrow?" I told him I wouldn't know if I was called for tomorrow morning until well after everyone went home, which is why we're doing things the way we are. He didn't like that at all. I talked to my scheduler next, who was more sympathetic about this weird limbo. The whole thing left me freaked out for a few hours...I can be *way* too conscientious, and this whole thing is hitting me right in the responsible part of my soul. My friends keep telling me (and very good advice it is, too,) to screw them; I've got a new job waiting for me and they certainly haven't earned any of my loyalty lately. But I dither. I can't help it. It makes me feel all wimpy and spineless. Probably because Mr Sta-Puft reminds me of an older relative of mine who tries really, really hard to be charming and within seconds succumbs to her base personality--passive agressive, spiteful, punitive meanness. I've always had a big problem this kind of arbitrary, manipulative authority figure; it just sets off some deep, primal howling of fear and anger inside my soul...

Which is why I need to get out of the Inferno so badly. And why I'm a little afraid of giving my notice, come to that. I'm pretty sure I can set that fear aside when I actually have to do it...there's not much else the bastard can do to me legally that he hasn't already done, right? And if he gives me any trouble in the two-weeks notice I'm giving, I can just use up some of the nearly a month of sick day's I've accrued that I can't take with me. And I may be fearful and wimpy, but it's not like I haven't dealt with this kind of thing before...Once when a job I was on went sour I ran over to their competitor business across the street, still in my dorky maid's uniform and asked them for an application. If pushed, my fear becomes a sort of strange ironic bravado that sometimes serves me surpisingly well...

I just hope I can tap into that bravado this week. It's not often that someone gets this kind of workplace victory---the jury duty and the new job. If I can't put my worries aside I won't be able to enjoy this properly, and that would be a real goddamn shame...

All toether now: Muahahahahahaaaa! Bwahahahahahaa BOOOOOOARGH!!!!

Comments

[emschin.livejournal.com]

I've seen other cases where someone takes complete advantage of a friend or employee, and then acts hurt when the person takes care of herself. Trying to make you feel guilty is another way of manipulating you. Being strong doesn't mean you aren't a nice person. You're just taking care of yourself, which is proper.

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

That's the way I'm trying to look at this...It's tricky, because I've been trying for a long time to not make waves, to just hunker down and keep out of the way and make it through the day, the week, the month...and I can't do that anymore; I'm at a place where I can't hide anymore.

One day at a time, right?:)