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msfledermausUsually my journal entries have a lot to do with the time of day...In the mornings, when I usually post I'm newly-fed and watered, the sun is coming up, and the caffeine from whatever coffee or tea I'm drinking starts to do it's thing. It's hard to be profound first thing in the morning:) So since it was later in the day and I was feeling a bit more introspective,I thought I'd try a night post for a change...
Mostly I've been thinking of changes. Even though I'm pretty happy in general with the new things in my life, drastic change still shakes me up pretty thoroughly...like a little snowglobe person who keeps yelling, "Knock that off!" every time the world goes round and round. I'm happy, but not really comfortable yet. This will take time. I keep reminding myself to be patient with the process, that even though it's spring it takes a while for a new garden to actually bloom...stuff like that.
What's really odd about the new job for me has a lot to do with something my brain does pretty regularly...
(And I know other people do this too, in some form or another; every time the subject comes up it's amazing how many people have the same thing happening.) I have always dreamed bits and pieces of my future.
Often the far future, years from anything that has to do with the time period I'm in when I have the dreams. The dreams are usually about my surroundings--bits of architecture, rooms, the way the light falls near a doorway with a certain layout, shops and fields and the views out of windows. When I have the actual dreams, my sleeping mind often tries to make sense of whatever it is I'm seeing, and it's often a hash of an actual place I run into later on and various funny plot-points my mind makes up as I go...sorting this stuff out is sometimes next to impossible, until I finally get to wherever I saw in my dreams.
The more I'm at the new Museum where I work, the more I recognize things I've been dreaming about for years and years. There's a courtyard with an open-air roofed terrace-thing that I realize I'd been sketching for a 6 month period about 5 years ago. I kept dreaming about visiting a specific gallery over and over, and last week I just got done training for that floor. Yeah, it's a public place and I had visited it before, but some of the dreams were about parts of the basement, which isn't open to the public and I hadn't been anywhere near before two weeks ago. It's a little spooky, except the feelings I had about the dreams were usually pretty positive--In one I put a big candy-and-tea-shop in a gallery because that was how I felt about being there. Heh, it's part of why I decided to make a jump to something so different from what I'd been doing for years...I trusted the dreams. Sometimes I believe my subconscious is a hell of a lot smarter than my waking mind. I just hope it knows what it's doing.
It's hard enough to trust. It's harder still to trust something so tenuous.
But it feels like I'm doing something...helpful, good for me. Possibly very nourishing...
I worry a bit about not having much weekend-style time off, for a small personal handful of reasons.
Again...I'm trying to let grow into whatever they're going to be. And trying to trust that the quiet voice in the back of my dreams knows where the hell it's going...
So there you are.
Mostly I've been thinking of changes. Even though I'm pretty happy in general with the new things in my life, drastic change still shakes me up pretty thoroughly...like a little snowglobe person who keeps yelling, "Knock that off!" every time the world goes round and round. I'm happy, but not really comfortable yet. This will take time. I keep reminding myself to be patient with the process, that even though it's spring it takes a while for a new garden to actually bloom...stuff like that.
What's really odd about the new job for me has a lot to do with something my brain does pretty regularly...
(And I know other people do this too, in some form or another; every time the subject comes up it's amazing how many people have the same thing happening.) I have always dreamed bits and pieces of my future.
Often the far future, years from anything that has to do with the time period I'm in when I have the dreams. The dreams are usually about my surroundings--bits of architecture, rooms, the way the light falls near a doorway with a certain layout, shops and fields and the views out of windows. When I have the actual dreams, my sleeping mind often tries to make sense of whatever it is I'm seeing, and it's often a hash of an actual place I run into later on and various funny plot-points my mind makes up as I go...sorting this stuff out is sometimes next to impossible, until I finally get to wherever I saw in my dreams.
The more I'm at the new Museum where I work, the more I recognize things I've been dreaming about for years and years. There's a courtyard with an open-air roofed terrace-thing that I realize I'd been sketching for a 6 month period about 5 years ago. I kept dreaming about visiting a specific gallery over and over, and last week I just got done training for that floor. Yeah, it's a public place and I had visited it before, but some of the dreams were about parts of the basement, which isn't open to the public and I hadn't been anywhere near before two weeks ago. It's a little spooky, except the feelings I had about the dreams were usually pretty positive--In one I put a big candy-and-tea-shop in a gallery because that was how I felt about being there. Heh, it's part of why I decided to make a jump to something so different from what I'd been doing for years...I trusted the dreams. Sometimes I believe my subconscious is a hell of a lot smarter than my waking mind. I just hope it knows what it's doing.
It's hard enough to trust. It's harder still to trust something so tenuous.
But it feels like I'm doing something...helpful, good for me. Possibly very nourishing...
I worry a bit about not having much weekend-style time off, for a small personal handful of reasons.
Again...I'm trying to let grow into whatever they're going to be. And trying to trust that the quiet voice in the back of my dreams knows where the hell it's going...
So there you are.
