Goofing on my break...

[msfledermaus]

...I was walking around and around, humming Monty Python songs in my head when I got this splendid idea for an ongoing posting series. I present you with:

MS MAUSI'S UNOFFICIAL OFF-THE-RECORD LIST OF THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT DO IN PUBLIC SPACES,
(Especially those that contain Things That Do Not Belong To You.)
Part 1 of an ongoing series...

1: Do Not Touch Anything unless you are explicitly informed you may do so. This is a good rule for just about anywhere, now that I think about it.
2: When someone in a uniform comes up to you and asks you to stop touching something, please stop touching that whatever, and they will leave you alone.
3: This does not mean, "Wait and then touch it again"
4: It also doesn't mean keep leaning on it and say, "I'm not touching anything."
5: If you give that uniformed person a blank look, it just means they're going to watch you very closely and tell all their buddies in case you do it some more.
6: If the uniformed person is telling you not to do something, chances are there's a very good reason. Don't glare at them or mutter inaudibly when asked to do or not do something; the uniformed person will just assume you're a jerk and watch you very carefully.
7: Don't shout, scream or threaten bodily harm. This just solidifies the fact of your jerkism for everyone in hearing range. Adult tantrums are not pretty things for anybody.
8: Speaking of tantrums, if your kid is overstimuated and is losing their mind at the top of their lungs in a public place, take the kid somewhere quiet. Many public spaces have quiet rooms. Otherwise people will think you or your progeny are axe-murderers.
9: Do not wave sticky, pointy, wet, long, sharp things in public spaces. I really shouldn't have to go into Why this is Bad.
10: Do not scratch sensitive areas in public spaces...there is usually several cameras watching you trying to discreetly pick your underwear out of your butt. Please, in the name of humanity...
11: Do not play tag, hide-and-seek, or any other duck-and weave kind of games. In these nervous times, people will get the idea you're Up to Stuff, and tell you to knock it off.
12: Ladies, do not knock your purse into things or swing it around. Yes, even if it's Prada.
13: Do not pick on small people in uniforms. They usually have very large coworkers who are not above dangling you by an ankle over a balcony if that's what it takes for you to behave.
14: Please wear shoes that don't hurt you. It hurts us to watch you try to walk in tiny tight-strapped platforms, often for a couple of hours. And no, you can't go barefoot, or I would too. So there...

I'm sure I'll have plenty more really soon...some of them are going to be much funnier, too...

Comments

[roadskoller.livejournal.com]

I watched a kid walk up to a very old painting and start smearing his fingers all over it, while the parent stood there and watched. Then the security guard got a dirty look when telling said parent it's a bad thing to have a kid smearing said fingers on said art. 'Nuff said.

[banana.livejournal.com]

15. Stealing the art is generally frowned upon. In the cinema they are not cutting real old masters from the frame with a pen knife: it's a cheap copy.

Whenever I'm in a gallery there seems to be a party of foreign students, and I find I'm looking at the beautiful young people instead of the intellectually stimulating art works. Everyone in a gallery or museum should try to look as dowdy as possible. Perhaps paper bags with pre-cut eye holes could be provided at the front entrance.

[daifu.livejournal.com]

I always get followed even when I don't touch anything and I do so like to touch XD XD

[buscemi.livejournal.com]

16. It's generally a bad idea to go up to the paintings and say, "I'm not touching youuuu...just ignore meeeee!"

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

yeah, but it's DC, right? I hear there's lots of flashing type people there, especially in public spaces....

so what happened? Did the guards toss the raincoat-man?

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

OOOOOOG. That's just awful....just awful stuff, that.

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

*chuckle*

Ohhhh dear....

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

Hands to yerself, at all times...I SAID, HANDS TO YERSELF! CUFF 'EM, DANNO!!!

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

*stifles mad giggling*

ohhh, man...

[daifu.livejournal.com]

OH NOES~!!!!!

Your hours have changed huh? I haven't been able to get ahold of ya XD
Hey I updated my website, it's sessi