Funky Ms Eff's Psychic Hotline!!!

[msfledermaus]

That's right!!!

For a limited time, I will gaze deeply into my Crystal rock-thing and tell your futures!!!
Your love lives, your financial stuff, your deepest, darkest secrets!!! and it's free, free, freeee!!!
(there's a catch--I'm not that good..okay, I'm REALLY not that good. But I guarantee you'll get your money's worth. *grin*)

Ms Eff, wrapping a big turban around her head full of chimes and jingles...

Comments

[dreaming-soul.livejournal.com]

Oh... Ms Eff!! What's my future?

Re:

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

*Gazes into the Crystal rock*

I see...Hmm, it's all sparkly, lemme adjust this thing...Okay. I see people trying to hurt your feelings because they're mean-spirited dildoheads...and something bad happens, lots of mace and you wearing riot gear--wait, that was Seattle, lemme try this again...

I see your shining, happy soul floating through
tinted clouds while you sleep, bringing their color to your life when you wake up. I see gauzy thoughts that fade like mist when you wake up, leaving nothing but a happy shimmer. (sometime next Monday or Tuesday, when you really need it.) I also see a file cabinet, full of categorized thoughts. Or you may have to do some filing for someone, whichever...

Ms Eff, sees all, knows, uhhh, some stuff.

Re:

[dreaming-soul.livejournal.com]

LOL i love it thank you, Ms Eff

[cynnerth.livejournal.com]

Do me! Do me!
(I gotta stop yelling that. Men get the wrong idea)

Please gaze into your crystal-rock thingy and tell me what you see in my future.

Re:

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

Okay, I see you being chased down the virtual block by crazed men inflamed by all this "do me" stuff. Kevin has to get out the firehose, and the National Guard comes to your rescue.
Some of them start sing "YMCA" and gat a big round of applause....

And I see ...the socks of teenagers!!! Avoid them at all costs!!! You may need to bury them!!! (Maybe the National guard can help?)

Oh, and I see Kid Rock helping with gardening somewhere..wait, thats Kev...No, wait, that IS Kid Rock...weird...

Ms Eff, sees um....Kid Rock with gardening gloves?

[cynnerth.livejournal.com]

oooooo!! This is SO much more entertaining than my daily horoscope.

Do you think Kid Rock and Kev are actually twins separated at birth?

[ex-ilona40.livejournal.com]

Me too! Me Too!!!!
pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!!!

Re:

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

I see you strutting and fretting your time onstage,looking fabulous and people (me) jumping up and down, going "woowoo!" a lot, and throwing flowers at you...they may just be clover blossoms...And beware the geese!!! I see a definite mugging attempt by geese in your near future!!! Your lunch will be a little lame unless you pick something good right now this second. Don't eat any pickles you see today.

I also see some little red-haired girl flirting and flipping her panties at people later this summer...like that's a revelation:)

Ms Eff...your deep dark secrets are safe with me...but jeez, Kool-whip?

[dangerpest.livejournal.com]

ask the crystal where my car keys are ;]

-p

Re:

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

Hmmm...I see a couple of lawn gnomes playing with them...that can't be right. Now they're trying to flush them down the toilet. Great, oh, eew, now they're getting earwax all over them!!!...

Wait, wait, I see them putting them in an old pants pocket in the laundry...you may want to wash those pants first...eew...

Re:

[dangerpest.livejournal.com]

wow. you ARE good. i will never doubt the powers of psychics again ;]

-p

Oh, Great Seer of Things To Come.....

[majikgrove.livejournal.com]

i wanna knooooooooow.......

will i have babies, and WITH WHO?

(i know that's soooo lame, but i cant even think of anything else i'd want to know!!! I have enough trouble processing the present, let alone dealing with the future!)

Re: Oh, Great Seer of Things To Come.....

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

Yes, there will be babies...but why do I keep seeing David Hasselhoff as the father? It doesn't look good. There's a lot of them, and they're all smiling like their dad...I'm scared of your children, Grove...

..See, I told you I wasn't very good at this...

Ms Eff...the babies..the Hasselhoff babies!!!

As long as this doesn't involve bad accordion music....

[serendipity.livejournal.com]

...I'd love to have you tell my fortune!

Re: As long as this doesn't involve bad accordion music....

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

I see the blooming of fruit trees,the caressing of soft air...and me jumping up and down and screaming every time you describe them in loving detail at me when it gets colder this year...You have a sadistic streak, you do...Beware the copier today, it means only evil, and someone's laid eggs in it's stomach.
Post-it's are your best friends tomorrow, trust them like your own self...

I see..a package!!! yes, a little tan package in yur mailbox!! Hmm..no walleye in it, though...
It goes *thump* when you put it on the table...
but then I see dancing around with a little girl early next week. I also see croutons...(Croutons? am I picking up Julia child again? Drat this thing!)

Free Psychic Help

[joei.livejournal.com]

I actually got an email from Ms. Cleo saying she had a vision and learned something exciting about me. She suggested I call her to find out what it was all about.

I think I like your offer of a free reading better.

Give it a go! *standing in front of my computer with pom pons waving* Are people supposed to cheerlead psychics? Rah rah!!

Re: Free Psychic Hindrance...

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

I like cheerleading..

Okay, I see a messy house, and uhh..cyn leading the National Guard over to clean it up..(They're sing YMCA and they're dripping wet, for some reason.)
I see someone bringing you a present soon.
And a funny moment that makes you go, "AAAugh!" and makes you laugh and laugh.
that's next week sometime. I see you blowing your lunch hour reading LJ stuff, too...(Like that's rare:)

Ms Eff, who can kick Ms Cleo's psychic hinder any time, any where, bebeh...

[elysiangirl.livejournal.com]

do you seehamburger patties in my future - 'cause that's what i'm fittna eat. do you see hot grease being spit all over me from the frying pan? no, that's the past not the future. do you see the fence being fixed before it decomposes? most importantly, do you see glitter in my near future???

what do you see?

Re:

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

Glitter!!! I see it!!! I see the glitter!!! OOOh, pretty! Next week, early!!

And I do see hamburger belches in your future
as well as tiny grease stains on your shirt. The fence will sit there for a while longer, but your landlord will be locked up for tax evasion and contempt of court for mooning a judge.

so there you are.

[redthread.livejournal.com]

Me next!! Me next!! I need to know!!!

Re:

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

I see...your attempt to get an assistant thwarted--not just by people screaming and running away, but Cyn's poaching of your would-be-assistant reserves...But It's not me. I'm a-telling you that right now, there is no me doing your paperwork in the future, you can bet on it...

I also see toddling...whether it's a child or just some coworker trying to be funny is not clear. I'd worry about the second possibility, though.
Your compassion and brilliant observations will be resented by many, many lesser-evolved beings, and they will try to eat up all the snacks when you're not looking....

[duchess-webb.livejournal.com]

Ok, I gotta see how good this is...

Want to tell me my future? :D

Re:

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

Okay..Crystal-rock-thing sez...

You will have ferret-in-garbage troubles on the 21'st and 22nd. People with itchy armpits and a slightly disturbing body odor will think they can mess with you next week. (My advice: Let 'em have it with a flamethrower!!!) A David Duchovny lookalike will show up sometime in August to ask about nefarious world-conquering activities and demand to look in the basement. I see...the planets aligning in the Freaky Evil Lovecraftian formation in late July, letting you get away with bad stuff, eating junk food and reading "Johnny the Homicidal Maniac" when you should be working. I also see a lot of gratuitous sex...but when don't I?

Ms Eff, your guide to the future...;)

Am I too late?

[bratbitch.livejournal.com]

*looks all hopeful and pleading like*

can I have my future told too please?

Awwww...that's so cute...

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

Of course you may, darling...

In your future I see a big pile of electrical computer stuff, all jumbled together and put on counters and such...(Are you shopping, or just hitting a repair shop?) Cute shoes will have an incredibly vast grip on your subconcious this weekend. You will flip your hair and wink at someone by Sunday while being ironic, and happily someone will get the joke. You are haunted by the specter of little vanilla wafer cookies you or someone you love snarfed too many of as children. Beware the marshmallow peeps...Wait, wait, that's last spring--well, beware of them anyway!!!

Ms Eff, getting her eyes all crossed staring into her big crystal rock...