Fifty Shades of Buh...

[msfledermaus]

I started goofing around with an online as-I-read-it review of 50 Shades of Gray. I love, LOVE to read bad books, and I started this on Facebook for a lark. But my coworkers kept running up to me demanding I keep going, because they didn't want to read it themselves but were curious. I read the Goodreads review with all the hilarious GIFS, so I knew going in it was going to be a bumpy ride...

"It's wicked cold out today, and to keep us warm I will be reviewing sections of 50 Shades of Gray as I read it, since a coworker was kind enough to lend it to me. (She knows I adore horrible books, and couldn't hand that sucker over fast enough.) Chapter one: Good heavens, if I was a scary type-A business type, I couldn't get rid of Clumsy Miss Steele fast enough. Then I'd console myself by having a sushi lunch balanced precariously on the backs of my interns. Then maybe I'd kill an endangered species with my bare hands for dinner. Erm...why do people like this guy?"

And Chapter Two:
"Time for more fun with "50 Shades of Buh", my as-I-read-it book review...Chapter Two: Okay, Patrick Bateman/Christian Grey just met Miss Fumbly, and he's already stalking her at the hardware store where she works.Ewwww... Now I'm already writing a satire version of this book in my head: "50 Shades of Metallic-Gray" where Miss Steele is the little sister of Dr. Phineas Waldorf Steel, crazed musician and inventor, and she works at the hardware store so she gets discounts on robot parts... Chapter two, people, and I'm already making up better plots! Not good, people!"

More soon, just as soon as I can hack through more chapters. When my brain gets too full of horribleness, I'll switch over to "The Omnivore's Dilemma" by Michael Pollan to save my sanity...

Comments

[roadskoller.livejournal.com]

Good luck woman. I put it down and can't get through it.

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

I'm having trouble...it's only the silly discussions we've all been having at work about it that have gotten me this far. It's so damn BAD!

[roadskoller.livejournal.com]

Maybe if I had people to discuss it with, and lampoon it with, I'd have had a better time.
Because for real, it needs lampooning.

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

Oh, it does. It's spawned a bunch of funny stuff, like some kind of zombie chronicle called, "Fifty Shades of Gray Matter". Right now I'm wishing and praying for a horde of zombies to eat the main characters!

[daphnep.livejournal.com]

Oh, please...carry on. A version written well and with humor? I love it!

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

Well, I sure as hell couldn't make it any worse. This book would be vastly improved with the addition of a killer robot army!

[buscemi.livejournal.com]

This is great! I can't wait to read more of your thoughts on the book. :)

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

I just posted more...enjoy, with my compliments!

Actually, since most of my girlfriends have been weighing in on this paperbound horror, I wouldn't mind a nice POV from some of the guys. It's offensive to the ladies for a wide variety of reasons, but it's just as horrible and insulting to gents. What are your thoughts?

[buscemi.livejournal.com]

I've only read an excerpt or two online, so I can't really make an informed comment (aside from the terrible writing style).

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

Well, since I'm doing this review so nobody has to read this awful thing, you can just tell me what you think of me blathering about it, and the relative merits of zombies versus killer robot armies invading the book. Aw hell, maybe we can have both!

[i.livejournal.com]

i completely sympathize with this project. I'm trying to read Atlas Shrugged right now, and it makes my cringe muscles sore just thinking about it.

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

Dave, you are a *brave* man for tackling that one. Brave! A coworker's been reading it, and I thumbed through his huge, crumbling copy. It was truly awful and uncomfortable and oddly naive in that selfish, reactionary sort of way. What a hot mess!

I admire your stamina if you can get through it. I wouldn't mind a book report when you're done!

[i.livejournal.com]

I'm reading it because my friend is writing a satirical sequel/rebuttal to it, and wants me to write the introduction. I'll share that when it comes :)