bad night, better morning...

[msfledermaus]

The thing with my unhappy-about-to-go-into-detox-friend went completley bust. I called her, she asked me to come to her place instead...a half-hour walk. Whn I got there... nobody answered the door. I buzzed. I knoked. I went up the rickty bak stairs, knocking, yelling my friend's name an feeling like an idiot. More bell ringing. Finally, after what felt like a half-hour of this monkey business, I gave up & headed home. I stopped off at the Wedge for some dinner an got accostd by a drunk lady begging for food. I gave up my rice crakers & managed to make it home with the rest of my grocries intact.

I got hom, & of cours the phon rings. "where ar you?"
"I'm home...I tried knockking & ringing and whatnot, weren't you home at all? I even tried yelling your name at the open winows."
"Oh...I thought you were coming later"
"Nooooo....I said I' be there by six, remember?
"Well, an you come over now?"
"What?"
"I could really use a friend right now..."
"Hey now, I alreay walked an hour to get to you an back. If the buses were running , sure fine, but I'm beat. An it's gonna rain, you know?"
"yeah, but I on't want to be alone..."
"I'm really sorry!! I an't!"

An so it went for a while. An I hung up in a bad mood...half annoyance, half guilt, half wanting to be a bttr friend...but I was trying hard to *be* a good friend, dammit. I can't help if I have to o *all* th work.

Somtimes I'm just tired of being needed.

Comments

[elysiangirl.livejournal.com]

i think you did the right thing. she could have made the walk.

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

True...granted she's got a kid, which is why I went to her, but there's strollers and whatnot if she wanted me so damn bad...

[elysiangirl.livejournal.com]

yep. that's very true. strollers, cabs, whatever.

[goldleafgoddess.livejournal.com]

HAHA. Sometimes its just not real help to let someone who is acting needy to get what they want call the shots. Needs are food, shelter, water, warmth, clothing, etc. Please make me feel better about myself is not a true need. It's a neurotic kind of need, and allthough we all experience some of it, usually we make attempts to make it easy on those we care about when we want that kind of attention. If she is making you do all the work...that is just too selfish. She could have walked over to you, she was the one who wanted something from you.

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

*nods*
this is why I like you so; you're so wise.

I avoided her for a long, long time because of this behavior...it's always been a part of her, even when we were kids. I wouln't have tried so har this time, except she's got a little boy & she tried to kill hrslf recntly. But she's just too much to take. Lukily she's going to a really nice rehab place for a month...I hope it helps her.

[serendipity.livejournal.com]

Argh. You did the right thing, Ms Effi. First for going there and trying really hard to find her, and next for saying No when she asked you to go there again. She should've appreciated your efforts. Besides, isn't a telephone conversation being physically present enough, after all that?

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

Apparently not...she wants to talk to me in person...I'm stumped why, I mean, we haven't been close for many years. Maybe she's run through all her other friends?

[queenofstuff.livejournal.com]

That seems likely.

[sirreal13.livejournal.com]

Scheiss!!! But even forgetful, insensitive, needy people need friends... You're a good friend, but you were correct to not let Ms. Needy walk all over you

Sorry you got accosted, but the styrofoam rice cakes are a small price to pay...


I hope the buses come back, soon...

[msfledermaus.livejournal.com]

Thanks, sir...

And th drunk lady was pissed when i gave her th ri(e (akes. but it was th only thing I had that she'd probably eat....& sh still tried to hit me up for money:P

[sirreal13.livejournal.com]

Was she pissed in the Australian sense or pissed off?

[emschin.livejournal.com]

I've observed something from dealing with alcoholics--and seeing others do the same. Sometimes they seem to want you to respond (help me!) more for the power of making someone do what they want than because they need what they ask for. My youngest has been through similar things with a long time friend and has learned to set firm boundaries.

She got you to walk over there (control), wasn't there (was she hoping you'd worry and think she had attempted suicide again?) and then wanted you to do it all again. (control). I think you did exactly the right thing in refusing. Sometimes what seems like being a good friend is actually 'enabling' and is the opposite.

Hang in there! I hope the treatment helps!